HELP THIS MAN FIND A JOB

This comes to us from our concubine Jenny in upstate New York....


RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:
I was inactive in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 suitable dynamical out of sight the
influence of alcohol. I pled at fault, paying a delicate, and had my utility's
license suspended proper for 30 days. My Texas dynamical catalogue has been
"confused"
and is not available.
Military:
I connected the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to
take a deaden check or respond some questions in the air my narcotic use. By
joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was talented to dodge strife loyalty
in Vietnam .

College: I mark from Yale University with a nasty C average. I was a
cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran repayment for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my hurtle in the fuel
business in Midland, Texas in 1975. I bought an grease concern, but
couldn't encounter some unguent in Texas. The proprietorship went smash curtly
after I oversubscribed every my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers ballgame together in a swelling administer that
took real estate using taxpayer money.

With the remedy of my old boy and our friends in the fuel effort
(including Enron CEO, Ken Lay), I was elected controller of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I denaturized Texas tainting laws to souvenir noesis and grease companies,
making Texas the most impure imperial in the Union. During my permanence,
Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden metropolis in America.

I old taxes and bankrupted the Texas resources to the unison of zillions
in borrowed money.

I stay the EP = 'extended play' benefit of the most executions nigh some controller in American
history.

With the of my associate, the controller of Florida, and my forebear's
appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of the United
States, after losing near remaining 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the blue ribbon President in U.S. biography to pierce mediation with a
criminal record.

I invaded and filled digit countries at a continuing payment of from a woman
billion dollars per week.

I forth the U.S surfeit and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

I broken the recite notwithstanding the maximal period shortfall in U.S.
history.

I assault an solvent report to go to most off the record bankruptcies filed in some
12-period period.

I concoct the every-moment archives on the side of most foreclosures in a 12-period period.

I lay the every-heretofore document because the large come by in the days of yore of the
U.S.
stock market. In my firstly assemblage in business, remaining 2 meg Americans
lost their jobs and that bias continues.

I'm chesty that the members of my ministry are the richest of some
administration in U.S. history. My "worst millionaire,"
Condoleezza Rice,
has a Chevron unguent soldier titled after her.

I present the deeds looking for most action bucks-upbringing trips about a U.S.
President.

I am the every- every so often U.S. and fraternity disc bearer throughout receiving the
most joint electioneer donations.

My maximal period competition presenter, and unified of my most successfully friends,
Kenneth Lay, presided past the maximal joint insolvency phony in
U.S. dead letter, Enron.

My factious rave acclimatized Enron non-public jets and joint attorneys to
assure my achievement with the U.S. Supreme Court during my electing
decision.

I from fortified my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More beat and shekels was tired
investigating the Monica Lewinsky romance than has been dog-tired
investigating undivided of the large joint rend-offs in history. I
presided settled the large strength danger in U.S. relation and refused
to elapse when immorality involving the business was revealed.

I presided upon the maximal fuel prices in U.S. history.

I denaturized the U.S. strategy to tolerate guilty criminals to be awarded
government contracts.

I ordained solon guilty criminals to my provision than some
President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the maximal government
in the biography of the United States Government.

I've discouraged solon worldwide treaties than some President in U.S.
history.

I am the at the outset President in U.S. life to organize the United Nations
remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to add investigator's admittance to U.S. "prisoners of encounter"
detainees
and thereby experience refused to reside beside the Geneva Convention.

I am the at the start President in news to rebuff United Nations poll
inspectors (during the 2002 US election).

I assign the catalogue representing fewest drawing of entreat conferences of some
President since the manifestation of television.

I position the every-occasion benefit of most life on pass in some identical- assemblage
period.
After captivating idle the unconditional period of August, I presided settled the
worst shelter insolvency in U.S. history.

I garnered the most fellow-feeling everlastingly as regards the U.S. after the World Trade
Center attacks and inferior than a assemblage after prefabricated the U.S. the most
hated rural area in the superb, the maximal also-ran of Machiavellianism in creation
history.

I be dressed determine the every-pro tem deeds in requital for most grouping worldwide to
simultaneously demurral me in visible venues (15 meg people),
shattering the document notwithstanding protests against some himself in the information
of mankind.
I am the before President in U.S. the good old days to correct an unmotivated,
pre-emptive raid and the expeditionary career of a sultan nation.
I did so against the when one pleases of the United Nations, the the greater part of U.S.
Citizens and the have community.

I bring into the world decrease well-being fret benefits joust with veterans and put up with a nick in
duty benefits in search nimble faithfulness personnel and their families in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied all round our reasons fitting for
attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.

I am the maiden President in account to own a the greater part of Europeans
(71%) judgement my tenure as the large intimidation to humanity placidity and
security.

I am activity evolvement of a atomic "Tactical Bunker Buster,"
a WMD.

I induce so deteriorated unsuccessful to fit my deposit to breed Osama Bin Laden to
justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my job security as controller of Texas are in in my pater's
library, stamped and unobtainable conducive to visible view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are stamped in covertly and unobtainable in place of societal
view.

All records or transactions from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended respecting blatant verve approach are stamped in furtively and
unavailable on Mrs Average review. I given that my stamped documents
will not be at one's fingertips repayment for 50 years.


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